Tuesday, April 07, 2009

War Stories IV; Nat-Wu: First Blood Part III: First FAIL

Although we crafted innumerable legends on the field of paintball, there were also moments of shattering failure. Nat-Wu asked me to recount this one, for the edification and wisdom of younger players the world over:

At a field I can't remember, me and a young kid (12-13) were probably the last two players on our team. Our flanks had collapsed and if there was anybody else, they were nowhere to be found. Well, it was capture the flag (as usual), so I figured me and the kid could hold the flag and run out the clock. This was a really fortunate field for us. The flag station was near a corner, and in that corner was a little bunker. Really it was a square mound with the center dug out so we were totally covered from both sides (the other two sides were the boundary of the field, so nobody could come at us) with one side looking directly out of the flag. Me being brilliant like I am, I told the kid "Kid, all we can do and all we have to do is not die and run the clock out. All I need you to do is look that way (indicating the side of the square not looking at the flag) and make sure nobody comes out of the woods and runs up on us. Can you do that?" He nodded yes. I said, "Don't look over at my side. I'll take care of it. Whatever you do, do not take your eyes off those trees and do not let us get overrun from that side. Don't look at my side. Don't even glance. Do you understand?" He nodded yes. I said, "Let me hear you say what you're supposed to do." He repeated my instructions. I said, "Ok then, just let me take care of my side and we'll tie this thing up. Hang tight." Now, I may have been a little ambitious in stating that I could hold off the 8-10 enemies remaining, but I had my Pro-Lite, it was in good shape, lots of ammo, and my Armson barrel that let me pick guys off at 70 feet, so yeah, I didn't feel too bad. Anybody coming to take our flag would have to run within 15 feet of me, an easy shot even if I'd had one of the crappy field guns. Well, right after I finished talking, it started to get hot. One guy came running out of the trees on my side for the flag. I took him out with a couple of head shots. Unfortunately, all the rest of the guys saw what had happened so they started laying suppressive fire on me. No biggie, I had plenty of cover and we had about 3 minutes to go. I took potshots and got a couple more out. They were sending hundreds of rounds into the dirt and over my head, so it sounded bad, but we were alright. Hope began to kindle in my breast as I heard the 1 minute warning, and the enemy redoubled their efforts. They'd figured out there was only one guy firing at them, and were getting desperate despite the fact that I'd demonstrated on a couple of them the accuracy of my gun. So they started to push forward, and a couple of them were going full auto. Still, I kept them from gaining the flag. This lasted for a half minute, and then I hear a voice on my left yelling "You're out, you're out!" and then a hand on my shoulder and he yelled again. I looked up astounded to see an enemy standing over me. I just looked at the kid and said, "What the hell?" He said he was sorry, but it sounded so bad on my side he came to help. Lord protect me from those who just can't do what they're told!

Of course in this telling Nat-Wu is utterly betrayed by the failings of his comrades, just as Germany was betrayed by the Jews, Communists and possibly homosexuals during World War I, a defeat which had nothing to do with the fact that Germany could also be a little overbearing, demanding and assholish with kids. 


Nat-Wu said...

And you sir, are exactly like the French in that you always end up taking it in the ass in the early days of the war.

Xanthippas said...

As my own paintball stories make clear.