Friday, November 06, 2009

"The 10 Most Beloved and Unhealthy Gaming Snacks"

As with any Topless Robot list of greatness, I'm excerpting (stealing) some of it to post here. This list is epic in greatness, if only because it is a) funny and b) completely accurate. Example:

You need to bring something to a D&D campaign, and you want something sweet, you usually can't go wrong with Oreos. You can even go and get some non standard mint, strawberry or Double-Stuf Oreos if you want to shake it up, but if you usually slap down a plastic wrapped plastic tray of Oreos on a table, your friends will eat them. Also, they contain 2,400 calories per container so, you know, eating one of these by one's lonesome could be considered "heroic," though going into a diabetic coma over Xbox Live could be one of the worst ways to die as you not only see "The Light" but hear someone shouting "Hey, this fag is sucking dick all over the place!"

More hilarity ensues, involving terms like "mechanically separated chicken", "snausages for humans" and "dwarf jerky." My only quibbles? Frankly, pizza should be number one on the list. It's perfect gamer food because a) it's perfect food for any gathering of people b) requires no effort to obtain (telephone/internet and the ability to answer a door) and c) can be maximally unhealthy for you. As an example, my brother, a friend and I were gaming one night and decided nothing would top off the evening better than a meat-fest pizza with four or possibly five different meats on it. Everyone went to sleep happy, but I woke up in the dark of night wondering if I could make it to the grocery store for some Pepto before I spewed that meat back out (in something probably approximating how it arrived.)

Second, I would've added Doritos, or at least chips of some kind. For me personally Doritos would've won out as the more humorous option, what with their tendency to stain your fingers and coat your mouth with a film that two hours later tastes nothing like a Dorito or any other food item. And you can eat an entire bag and never feel fuller, only sicker.

Anyway it's a hilarious list. Check it out.